Man: "I have a confession to make. I am guilty of PIRACY."
Instead of legally purchasing Nabisco's Triscuit woven wheat crackers, I baked my own.
Instead of legally purchasing Nabisco's Oreo sandwitch cookies, I made my own.
Instead of legally purchasing Nabisco's Chips Ahoy! chocolate chip cookies, I baked my own, and mine were much better than theirs!
I did all of this without ever paying Nabisco a dime in royalties, and to top it all off, I gave these home-made baked goods to my friends. In total, I stole $10,000 of potential profit from Nabisco.
Man (behind bars): "I am now rightfully in jail for my horrible actions. So remember, kids: food piracy is a CRIME. Don't do it."